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Maybe It’s Time To Let Go Of Perfect: Living a Life That Looks More Like Grace

Maybe It’s Time To Let Go Of Perfect: Living a Life That Looks More Like Grace

(This is part of the Enemies of Grace series. Click here to learn more.)

I knew this girl once.Ā  She was one of those annoyingly energetic types whoā€™s always doing somethingā€”volunteering here, serving on a committee there, working on projects outside the home while somehow still keeping her house tidy and her kids on schedule.Ā  She was sweet and sincere and always knew the right thing to say. And I admired her.

But I also felt very annoyed by her, ya know?

All her ability and spunk made me feel like less.Ā  While she always considered the next good cause to engage, I just felt exhausted. She seemed to juggle everything with precision and poise. I never felt like I was doing enough.Ā 

Everyone needed more from meā€”my husband, kids, school, church. This whole aching, broken world.Ā  And I just didnā€™t have enough to give.

Have you been there, friends?Ā 

As Iā€™ve chatted with other Jesus followers over recent years, Iā€™ve noticed one trend surfacing time and again:Ā  Many of us struggle with this feeling that weā€™re not measuring up. That weā€™re just not doing enough.

But enough of what?Ā 


The Measuring Stick

Thereā€™s constant noise around us, pointing our attention to things that get noticed by our culture. Well-run homes.Ā  Flourishing careers. Kids involved in an array of enriching activities. On-trend wardrobes. Well-toned bodies. Church involvement. Community engagement. Intelligent awareness of world events.

I could go on and on with this list, but frankly, Iā€™m already overwhelmed with whatā€™s there.Ā  Any one of these measuring sticks alone can be exhausting.Ā  Put them all together, and itā€™s no wonder weā€™re all trying to figure out what beauty product can erase the bags under our exhausted eyes.

I think we all know, in the deeper places, that these are impossible standards. That the One who lovingly created us didnā€™t design us for this life of constant pushing and hustling and striving to measure up.

And yet.Ā  We look around and see so many people doing so many incredible things.Ā  They seem to be measuring up, and we wonder:Ā  How are they pulling it off?

A Confession

This is where I need to make a confession. About that girl I mentioned at the beginning of the post.Ā  You know, the one who had her act together and who was checking off all the boxes with seeming ease?

That girl was me.Ā 

Rewind my life several years back and you will find her, probably looking like a model Christian woman on the outside. But inside?Ā  I was at war with myself.Ā 

I was trying so very hard to be that strong, put-together woman I could admire. I wanted to be confident and capable, serving God well. But instead, I felt self-loathing and anger taking root in my parched soul. I was hiding a damaged, exhausted heart that felt like it could never do enough.

Ugh.Ā  I am so weary just remembering it.

I desperately wanted to love others well. But I felt increasingly disconnected from the source of Love itself. Impatience and criticism were more familiar visitors to my heart than peace and grace.

I remember sensing that something was off during those years That somehow in my endless efforts to please God, I was actually running away from Him.Ā  My mind understood His forgiving love, but my soul couldnā€™t quite embrace it. That ā€œperfectā€ version of me just kept running, trying to add more and more ā€œgoodā€ to an equation that was never going to add up.Ā 

The real meā€”the weak imperfect woman who was longing to be loved as I truly amā€”was just gasping for air.Ā 

Learning to Breathe

But you can guess the rest of the story, canā€™t you?Ā God rescued me.Ā  Of course He did.Ā  Itā€™s what He does.

He kept pursuing my stubborn heart until one day, I finally stopped running. I surrendered that mirage of a perfect Christian life Iā€™d created and traded it for something realā€”the free and undeserved love of God.

I wish I could say it was a quick turnaround.Ā  But when you spend years trying to live out a false perfection, it warps youā€”you lose pieces of yourself along the way. In the years since that surrender, Iā€™ve just been holding Godā€™s hand as we walk together and try to put those pieces back together.Ā 

Itā€™s been frustratingly difficult at times, this dismantling of the ā€œold Amy.ā€ Itā€™s meant sorting through mixed motives and acknowledging whatā€™s broken in myself. At the time, I thought I was being self-sacrificial with all my service. But now I see it for what it was: simple pride. Ā I was living as if God’s work somehow wasn’t going to carry on if I actually listened to His quiet nudging for me to be still and let Him be God.Ā 

I couldnā€™t quite accept the idea that God would forgive and love my sin-stained heart.Ā  So I tried to earn His approval, using the worldā€™s benchmarks of success as my guide.

Iā€™m learning to let go of that performance-based faith.Ā  But it feels a bit like opening one of those Russian nesting dollsā€”every time I think Iā€™ve finally gotten a handle on it, I find another layer of sin that needs to be dealt with.

But this journey has also been joy.Ā  Freedom. As Iā€™ve let go of those perfect expectations I placed on myself, Godā€™s helped me reconnect with the woman He created me to be. Itā€™s like the more Iā€™m learning to rest and be with God, the more Iā€™m learning to be my true self.

Living More Like Grace

Recently, I heard a song for the first time on Spotify called ā€œMore Like Love.ā€Ā  I love the desire this song evokes: I want to live a life more like love.Ā But you know what? We canā€™t love others well if we havenā€™t done business with grace first.

If we donā€™t fully embrace Godā€™s patience and forgiveness of our faults, we tend to be unforgiving with the faults in others.Ā  If we canā€™t acknowledge our own brokenness, then we canā€™t experience true compassion for the brokenness of others. Perhaps most damaging of allā€”if weā€™re living a faith based on performance, we start judging those around us based on their performances too.

Godā€™s grace untangles all these ugly threads: It frees us to love othersā€”and ourselvesā€”despite the imperfections, maybe even because of them. It helps us recognize Godā€™s tender heart for everyone, no matter how strong or broken they appear.

Grace gives us quiet confidence to be ourselves, amidst all the noise telling us we need to be more.

That girl who looks like she has it all together?Ā  She doesnā€™t.Ā  And you donā€™t have to, either. Isnā€™t that good news?

I considered many names for this blog, but in the end ā€œMore Like Graceā€ settled in and made itself at home.Ā  Because isnā€™t that what weā€™re really longing for?Ā  More than a perfectly organized home, or a list of accomplishments, or another flurry of family fun activities, donā€™t we all just want a space where we feel loved for who we really are?Ā 

Thatā€™s grace. Thatā€™s what we need more of.

I hope youā€™ll join me in this space, where Iā€™m praying we’ll experience more grace. I hope that in these posts and resources, you’ll be reminded of Godā€™s grace, and encouraged to share it with those around you.

But Iā€™m also a work in progress. Sometimes I still start looking for worth in all the wrong places. I wrestle and wonder. Maybe you do too. So letā€™s do this together. Letā€™s let go of perfect, and lean into love. Letā€™s abandon all the measuring sticks we were never meant to live up to. And seek a life that looks more like grace.

 

 

 

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Comments (18)

  1. Avatar

    Beautifully written. It is so easy to please ourselves and others we forget to take the time to please the One who made us.

    Jessica
    Jan 16, 2018 Reply
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      Yes! I remember hearing someone talk about living for “an audience of One” a long time ago and those words echo back to me from time to time. It’s a tug of war trying to keep my attention focused on the right priorities!

      amyjoy
      Jan 17, 2018 Reply
  2. Avatar

    Amy- thank you for this! Beautifully written and exactly what I needed. I look forward to more! Thanks for being a blessingšŸ’—

    Nicole
    Jan 16, 2018 Reply
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      Thanks for blessing me back, Nicole! So glad the post encouraged you.

      amyjoy
      Jan 17, 2018 Reply
  3. Avatar

    Thanks for articulating so well the struggle we all have to embrace grace.

    J.R. Whitby
    Jan 16, 2018 Reply
    • Avatar

      Thanks for such kind words!

      amyjoy
      Jan 17, 2018 Reply
  4. Avatar

    Wow, this really spoke to me today. I just started journaling and found it to be so therapeutic. This message I think resonates with most women/moms who always feel like they’re in competition with others. Thank you for sharing your soul and vulnerabilities with us. I look forward to reading more!

    Isabella
    Jan 17, 2018 Reply
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      Thanks for commenting! I’m so glad it encouraged you. Life is so much better when I lean into grace instead of getting caught up in that competitive undertone. Hope you have a good day!

      amyjoy
      Jan 17, 2018 Reply
  5. Avatar

    Amy! Encouraging words especially when you feel like your the only mom not living up to standards. Thank you for the encouragement! We are all in this together girl šŸ˜‰

    Katie
    Jan 19, 2018 Reply
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      Thanks Katie! And amen! Life is so much better when “we are all in this together” instead of trying to fake and compete!

      amyjoy
      Jan 19, 2018 Reply
  6. Avatar

    Amy, thank you for articulating what so many of us think and feel. Love this new community you have created!

    Jennifer
    Jan 19, 2018 Reply
    • Avatar

      Thanks Jen! I appreciate you checking it out!

      amyjoy
      Jan 19, 2018 Reply
  7. […] Over the coming months, God showed me a startling truth: There was a problem with my heart.Ā  It was startling because Iā€™d thought I was so strong-hearted. Iā€™d been doing ā€œmoreā€ and ā€œmoreā€ in my life for years, trying so very hard to live up toĀ  ā€œstrong Christian womanā€ image I had in my head.Ā  […]

  8. […] WeĀ donā€™t always have to be swimming in the deep end: In fact, I donā€™t think we really can.Ā  I spent years swimming in frantic circles, trying to be a ā€œperfect Christian womanā€ Ā juggling life with perfect […]

  9. […] must confess, friends, that at the time, I hadn’t been feeling overly hopeful. Ā I’d been fighting through a confusing season of my life: A schedule full of activity, but a heart that felt disconnected and doubtful about my […]

  10. Avatar

    I was browsing Pinterest for no reason at all, just to kill time before bed, and God led me straight here. What a wonderful blog, I am so blessed to have found you. I bawled the whole time I read this entry. Thank you, Amy. God is so good!

    Cassandra Xuereb
    Aug 20, 2018 Reply
    • Avatar

      Oh Cassandra, I’m so glad God met you here. His love is truly beyond my understanding … Yes, he is so, so good!

      amyjoy
      Aug 20, 2018 Reply
  11. Avatar

    I enjoyed reading your blog entry. I am 72 now and saw my younger self in your testimony. Keep sharing your faith and pray that God will give you the words someone needs to hear today. God bless your ministry.

    Sheila Meador
    Aug 18, 2020 Reply

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